Introducing: The Rimmed Out Report; Ranking the Worst Teams in the NBA

Matt Hicks, Staff Writer

Here at T2, Eric is our point person on the NBA. He’s great at breaking down match-ups, studying the top teams, and digging into stats from the hardwood. That’s why he’s going to keep tabs on the teams we will be at the top of our power rankings. I’ll admit I’m more of a casual fan of the NBA (although I used to follow it much closer) but I’m also a life-long Nets fan. That means there’s one area of basketball that I know very well: what a bad team looks like. That’s why I’ll be putting out the “Rimmed Out Report”; where I’ll highlight the worst five teams in the NBA; of course in a comical way. It’s sure to be just cringe worthy enough to be worth publishing. So sit back, and don’t enjoy. Alright, let’s start from the top…of the bottom.

  1. Sacramento Kings

11 players on this roster are 25 years old or younger. And then there’s Vince Carter and Zach Randolph who combine for 20 million dollars’ worth of salary cap space and 76 years of age. Don’t get me wrong these guys will be fun to watch. They have flashy young guys like De’Aaron Fox, Buddy Hield, and Willie Cauley-Stien that’ll make them the most interesting rebuild in the NBA, and that’s saying something given basically 50% of the NBA is rebuilding at all times. Don’t expect the Kings to hang out in this report too long, though, it’s inevitable that Vince Carter will lead them to glory.

  1. Los Angeles Lakers

I realize it’s a bold move to put the Lakers as the 4 worst team in the NBA but man I just hate they actually drafted Lonzo Bell. How funny would it have been if they just passed him up just to mess with his whack shoe brand? In fact, Rob Pelinka if you’re reading this (which of course, you are) if you trade Lonzo this season I’ll personal pay for a pair of his shoes. Just let me know your size, and they’re yours; it’s a win-win. On the bright side: they got Brook Lopez who desperately deserves to be on a better team after he selflessly sacrificed the prime of his career to help the Nets get more than 9 wins a year.

  1. Brooklyn Nets

The Nets have 79 wins the last 3 seasons…combined. Last year the Warriors had 67 wins. Let that sink in: in just one season the Warriors had 12 less wins than the Nets the last 3 seasons. At least they’ve been building up their team with young talent from all those top 5 draft picks right? Oh wait. Every fiber in my body wants me to rank these guys last but I love their backcourt combo of D’Angelo Russell and Jeremy Lin. I’ll start them off at 3rd to last, I’m sure they’ll get to the bottom all by themselves.

  1. The Chicago Bulls

I have to be honest, I recognize about 3 of the players on this roster, and one of them is Robin Lopez. I’ll cut them some slack, they’re in full rebuild mode and they’ve committed to that. If I was them, I’d start Benny the Bull at point guard, it won’t make them any better but it can’t make them any worse. It’s a bold move to make, Frank; but you have my support.

  1. The New York Kicks         

Are they even trying? At this point I think they just want to see how long they can continue making ridiculous basketball decisions before Adam Silver finally steps in and strips away their right to be an actual professional franchise. Tell me how you hold Carmelo hostage in New York all summer long and end up with Doug McDermot and Enes Kanter and a 2nd round pick. Tell me how you couldn’t even get a 1st round pick for Carmelo Anthony. I know they don’t have the worst roster in the NBA but I feel pretty confident Knicks management will figure out how to make their roster the worst. These guys belong at the bottom.

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Published by

Matt Hicks

Matt’s writing is focused on dynasty and devy fantasy football. He loves blending his experience writing research in the field of education with fantasy football stats. Matt currently lives in Baltimore, MD and graduated from Eastern Connecticut State University and the University of Tennessee, Knoxville. You can follow Matt on Twitter: @TheFF_Educator

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